I have spent much time over the past week in thought since the overturning of Roe V. Wade. I’ve been worried for our nation. I’ve been frustrated by those who see this removal of rights as something to rejoice about, this step into the dark ages for women.
The thing is, at my core, I am adamantly anti-abortion. I don’t think it’s a solution for not using birth control, I don’t even think it’s a solution for failed birth control – in MOST instances, but as to everything in life there are exceptions. I also believe that people have a choice in what happens to them. I also think that there are cases when abortion is best.
It was an interesting thing. I never really thought about my stance on abortion until I was in my mid 20’s. Until then, I would have told you I was pro-choice though abortion was probably not a great choice.
This next bit will be surprising to many who know me as it’s not something I’ve discussed much, at least not till the past few years, and even then with great caution. In my mid 20’s, I was dating a guy, someone I’d known and loved for a long time. We slept together during our relationship – always careful. But I discovered I was pregnant days after we broke up. I never told him. I never told anyone for a lot of years. There was no point as days later, I miscarried. At the time, I thought, Ok, this is better. Guy and I aren’t together, and I can barely pay my bills; how would I have raised this child. Let me be clear that if I hadn’t lost that little one, I would NOT have chosen abortion. Since I was tiny, I’ve wanted to be a mom, a reality that is not mine, and at 41 and single won’t be.
Why do I share this? Not long; now, in my world, not long can be days or years – in this case, it was a couple of years, but in my memory, it feels like the next week, I had a situation that showed me my true stance and feeling regarding abortion. My co-teacher found out she was pregnant. She and I talked about it, and though we weren’t close, I became a sounding board for her thoughts as she debated what to do with this “accident.” She decided abortion was the only option. She believed that killing that unborn baby was better than being born and raised by someone else since she wasn’t ready to be a mom. It was the most insane thing I had ever heard, and I told her as much. I longed to be a mom and couldn’t imagine making that choice, but it was her choice. I believe my reaction was stronger due to my own loss than it might of been without it. I lied to myself that it was better but I would have taken that unwanted child in a heartbeat.
She went and had it done and suffered complications that kept her out of work for about a week. My director and I were the only ones who knew what was happening. Everyone came to me worried about her health and wishing her well, and asking questions…blah blah blah. I realized in those moments, how mad I was and told someone why she was gone. I have always regretted that moment, but it’s also a moment I look to, to try and explain where I stand. Her case was not a case in which abortion makes even the slightest modicum of sense. HOWEVER, it should still be someone’s choice.
Bizarre analogy, I know, but I was thinking about a Stargate-SG1 episode in which the team fight for Skaara’s right to take control of HIS body and have the ‘parasite’ Klorel removed. Even though being removed and not having a host body in which to reside means death for Klorel, they win because it is first Skaara’s body. I do not believe babies are parasites or evil. Still, it makes one think, especially when you’re talking about a baby that would absolutely, unequivocally, without a doubt, kill the parent. Or you’re talking about a child conceived through nefarious means. Does the ‘Host’ deserve the mental torment of carrying their rapist’s child? Does a child barely of age and not physically or mentally ready to carry a child deserve what that will do to their body and mental health?
I am a preschool teacher, a woman whose every fiber cries for motherhood. I am someone who has family members who had risks from their pregnancies and whose babies needed extra measures upon birth. I LOVE children, but I also love people, and sometimes there is a greater need, and the choice should be there.
I would also add if you the world wants to take away women’s rights when it comes to having babies than the rights of men to run away from and not care for their child need to be ended. They need to be help accountable every step of the way. And in case of rape or other nefarious means, they need to be held accountable from JAIL as they provide for the needs of the child they unwillingly created and the mental health expense for the mother who not only had to carry but may now have to care for her attackers child, all of this of course without any contact for the safety of both mom and child.
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