Archive for March, 2013

Today is one of those days where I just want to curl up and cry.  I am actually fairly stable but having had a cartwheel and somersault vertigo attack where I felt like I was flipping head over heels while lying down a few days ago I am experiencing a fear of my disease and future that I haven’t experienced for a while.

It has probably been five months since the room spun to the point where I could not move.  The scary part is the last really bad attack was when we were staying in the park in Elma, Washington.  Where are we staying now with no plans to leave you ask?  The park in Elma.  Hehehe!  Trigger illogical, irrational, and asinine moment of fear.

I strive everyday not to worry about my Meniere’s, not to worry about the next time that I will more than a little off balance, cause well I’m always a little off.  Insert bad joke from my friends and loved ones who would say I have been off for years…hahahaha.

The thing with today is that everything people say to me seems to make my disability, my issue with Meniere’s more prominent today.  Telling me I need to find a doctor, I need to find health coverage, I should look into SSDI coverage, I should look into Medicaid eligibility, ohh how much salt is in that.  I love how much the people in my life care and these are all good things, I’m just having a day where it just makes me want to curl up and cry instead of saying thank you for caring and I love you!

I fight daily to manage the stress of all the little things the come with Meniere’s.  Trying so hard to live my life but being terrified that whatever movement I make will trigger an attack, and since the room spinning of the other day I am terrified that it will not just be a little lite headed off balance moment but a drop me on my ass and hold on tight moment that feels like it will last for eternity.

Today is one of those days that I thank God that I am a Christian. J  One of those days when I have to remember the strength he gives me, the love he has for me and remember that I know there is a reason for all of this.  If I can remember and focus on this I still want to cry but there happy tears of Joy for I know that I am loved not only by my amazing family but by my loving and awesome God.

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